During a monthly gathering I lead for local ministry wives in the Tulsa area, an intriguing question came up. Have you ever had a season where you felt reluctant to be called a pastor’s wife? After a long pause, an avalanche of honest conversation tumbled out. One woman shared about a moment of dodging the label when a new friend asked about what her and her husband did. One ministry wife talked about the ways she downplayed the role, calling her husband the head of a nonprofit rather than a pastor, when out with work friends for dinner. Another lady, a strong introvert, even shared a funny story about how she slid into another isle at the grocery store in the hopes of avoiding a church congregant shopping at the same time. The problem, of course, was she had to keep sliding isle by isle across the store. Eventually, she found herself amongst the high-priced adult beverages when the church member finally noticed her. As we all know, that went over well.

While everyone shared their stories, one big fat revelation emerged. Being a ministry wife is undoubtedly a role of exposure whether we want to be exposed or not. It’s a platform, a position of influence. It’s that live-out-loud fish life complete with the shiny fishbowl. It’s a Truman Show-like existence inside a metaphorical glass house. But it’s also a role of leadership. Whether we like it or not, ministry wives lead. We lead family. We lead friends. We lead neighbors, church members, and strangers too. Others look to our lives as examples for how to live, how to serve the Lord, and how to love others well. For some, however, it can be difficult to embrace this role because we feel inadequate. We feel ill-equipped, overwhelmed, misunderstood even, and unable to fully be ourselves. Whatever the reason, I wanted to give you two truths I’ve learned along the way to help you better embrace your position in ministry in this season as well as in any season it might seem difficult to do so.

Truth #1: You are called too.

Some women grow up feeling that tug from the Holy Spirit into a life of ministry. Some even feel called to be a pastor’s wife. Most, however, fall into the role by default. They fall in love and feel God leading them to marry. With marriage, however, comes ministry, which can also bring along some challenging questions for women. Does God really want ME to be a ministry wife? Can I truly fulfill this role? I’m nothing like the typical pastor’s wife! Is God really calling me too? The answer is a resounding yes! Nothing with God happens “by default.” He has hand-selected you. He has chosen you. He knows what He’s doing, and you’re right where He wants you to be. Your role is NOT a coincidence. In fact, who you are—your unique personality, appearance, disposition, talents, strengths, and even weaknesses—is exactly what God wants to use (and is most likely already using) to bring about His purposes in your local church, your community, and beyond.

Surprisingly enough, the only time the word “coincidence” appears in scripture is in the parable of the Good Samaritan found in Luke 10. In Luke 10:31, Jesus says, “And by a coincidence a certain priest was going down in that way, and having seen him, he passed over on the opposite side.” The word “coincidence” here is translated from the Greek word synkyrian. It’s a combination of the words sun (meanings “together with”) and kurious (meaning “supreme in authority”). In essence, the biblical definition of coincidence is “what happens based on God’s sovereign arrangement of circumstances.” In other words, random chance is no chance at all. Basically, God knows the number of hairs on your head (Luke 12:7). He knows the number of stars in the sky and has named every one (Psalm 147:4). Surely, He also knows what position He has placed you in. You are right where He wants you to be. You are called too.

Truth #2: God equips those He calls to lead.

To “equip” in another interesting word appearing in scripture. In the Greek, the word is karatismos. It’s where our English word for “artisan” (an artist or craftsman who works with their hands to make things) derives. The word first appears in Matthew 4 when Jesus calls the two sets of brothers Peter and Andrew, James and John. To the first set of two brothers, Jesus declares, “Come, follow me, and I will send you out to fish for people.” (v.19). For the latter two, we see them literally “equipping” or mending their nets as a kind of reiteration or enactment of Jesus’ previous words (v. 21). These two brothers display what “equipping” means. They are piecing twine and cords back together. They are taking the time required to mend and shore up these nets so that they are ready to cast out for another day.

To explain this juxtaposition of Jesus’ words and these brothers’ calling means looking further into the gospels at how Jesus lives out His declaration “to fish for people.” Throughout the gospels, we see how Jesus leads these brothers (as well as the rest of His disciples) throughout the region of Galilee “equipping” them as He goes. Jesus teaches and guides. He also heals and redeems. But for the disciples, who serve as His metaphorical nets, Jesus becomes the good fisherman. He regularly tends to His disciples, answering their questions, sharing “insider” truths, bringing them back together. He also readily redirects them and repairs their thinking. He shores up their attitudes, strengthens their courage, and mends their hearts. He never leaves them unsupported in this new role he has called them to of partnering with Him to “fish for people.”

In a similar way, as we walk with Jesus daily and spend time in His presence, He promises to equip us to do the work He has called us to do. He will renew our minds and fortify our souls. He will prepare us, train us, and shore us up. He will even piece our hearts back together when they break, which can happen often in this crazy life of ministry. While we may, at times, feel cast out onto unpredictable waves that break in the midst of a wild ocean, if scripture holds true, Jesus will hold us fast even then. One thing I know is Jesus’ hands have had a firm grip on me, especially when mine have slipped and failed. I’ve also learned that He is faithful, and He is kind. And where I’m called, I may be leading others, but He is leading me. Where He leads, I can follow. And that is enough for me.